Vegas started before I even got to the airport. I wasn’t sure was I was in for but I did know that I was going to the desert. (is it “desert” or “dessert”? I don’t care because this weekend both were delicious)

As far as skincare was concerned I doused myself in coconut oil. Head-to-toe. I stood in my bedroom but naked in coconut oil for an entire hour.

I thought to myself, “What a weird way to be robbed or murdered…”

Imagine if you were robbing someone or had a thirst for murder and you walk in on them naked covered in a tropical scented oil watching Scrubs.

These are the things that go on in my head.

Anyways, I showered off the oil and put my SK-II sheet mask on. Ugh that mask is a treasure. It needs more hype. It deserves more hype.

Firstly…

Me and my friend Alexa flew Mint on Jet Blue to Las Vegas, NV. A briefing on mint:
1.Boarding first.
2.Getting the proper personal space that a human actually deserves on a plane.
3.So many buttons.
4. They give a a care package which includes but is not limited to bedding for when you use the button that lets you lie completely flat, skincare (lip balm, moisturizer, and a facial mist that smells like toothpaste water (in a good way)
5. Unlimited alcohol and food.
6.TWO WINDOWS. the absolute height of luxury. Having one window is for commoners.

The only thing thats kinda a buzz kill about Mint is that the areas they are available are really very limited. New York, Boston, Vegas, Los Angeles, San Fran etc..
someone write an email to JetBlue to offer it on all their planes. I’d like to think they’re working on it.

We checked in to the Venetian early. As seen above, The Venetian looks like where Marie Antoinette would hide from her husband. It was AMAZiNG and so cute.

We immediately order room service and take a nap before the makeup artist comes to beat them faces UP.

I was honestly pretty sleepy until we arrived at the strip club (Sapphire). There we got a bottle of Tequila and I met the Vegas love of my life. The bus boy.

The bus boy was cute and reminded me of someone I had been with before except like shy and genuine and hard working. My favorite thing about him was that while I was watching him work I noticed he didn’t look at any of the strippers. Maybe he was jaded and was used to the view. I honestly couldn’t tell. But it was really attractive that he wasn’t like a total piglet.

Anyways…

We asked the bus boy what time his break was and what his stance on blow jobs are..

But he was a busboy with no break as he was the only one.

After that we went to Med Men for some legal ass Mary J.
Alexa described it as the Apple Store and like so accurate.
Everything in a glass case with iPad explanation.It was so cool. I kinda wanted to buy gummies but I was drunk and tired so I opted out.

Saturdaze

Saturday was probably my favorite day.
I slept in til 11AM. Which is so unlike me as I wake up around 7ish.
We started off by going to a Pool party at the Flamingo Hotel. We probably told 87 people that we were going to this pool party and no one in the state of Nevada knew what the fuck we were talking about. WELL the joke is on you losers because we got a Cabana there and it was Everrrrrything,

The music was amazing. There was all different people partying together. and there’s a cool Cave/Waterfall for sick photo opts.

My favorite part of the pool party was when we invited these girls back to our Cabana and one of them turned out to be like the coolest prostitute I’ve ever met. My friend had chased them down because the hooker was wearing THE CUTEST Heels that said ” Baby Girl” in rhinestones. She was so wonderful, empowering and inspiring.This was a very Vegas experience even though Im pretty sure she was from LA.

We later did a failed shopping attempt.
The Barney’s in Las Vegas can suck my dick. They barely had anything (worth buying).

We went to see Absinthe after we ordered in more food, took a nap,
did our glam and picked out our outfits. I don’t want to mention too much about Absinthe because I don’t wanna give it all away but it was hilarious and mind blowing and amazing. Very Raunchy. If you’re not into that kind of humor you should probably just leave Vegas and go to a library where you belong.

After we left Absinthe we went to visit my boyfriend at work (the strip club) ugh amazing.This time I wasn’t black out drunk so when I talked to bus boy we had an actual conversation. He is a Bus boy by night and a screen writer by day and he never really sleeps.

in addition to this, he doesn’t make house calls. aka I told him to come to my possibly empty hotel room to which he said “Maybe”.

I was mildly attracted to him when he looked like a familiar face. But when I found out he was a writer who is a slave to his work I was … intrigued.

OH VEGAS. HOW DARE YOU.

I was supposed to only be sleezy douche bags and scum.

Not a cutie with all the right stuff. Ugh. Attached to this idea.

Sunnyday.

Ordering in room service was the only food worth having. It also saved us a lot of time.

We went to the spa. This spa had an assortment of Armotheraphy mist showers, Sauna, Steam room, Wave room,

The wave room is so sick I bought a smaller machine for my bedroom(& living room)

Anyways. worth every penny.

Afterwards we were so relaxed we went back to the room for another nap. THEN WE WENT TO THE HAUNTED MUSEUM.

The best place ever.

They had so many sppooooky things.
Dolls. Haunted mirrors. and artifacts from the demon house and so so so much more I can’t remember it all but it was wonderful.

after that we had a very elaborate dinner.

I had the Lobster. It was very luxurious.

I went to went back to the room whilst Alexa went back to Med Men.
I opened the door to our suite and once I walked in the doors to our balcony opened by themselves.

to which a very drunk Jackie screamed
“HAHA VERY FUNNY DEMONS, BUT THE JOKES ON YOU BECAUSE IM DEAD INSIDE ALREADY.”

I think they got the hint because after that I didnt hear from them after that.

Leaving Day

It was bitter sweet leaving. I missed Landon & the cat but I was going to miss fun Vegas lifestyle.

I would miss ordering in food.

And ordering more food after that.

And ordering bottles.

And showing some booty guilt-free.

And the warm Welcomes.

But it was time for our flight to be delayed 6 to 7 hours.

I got in at 3 AM this morning and I’m honestly still sleepy

I probably missed a lot of things.

but it was really fun and I might go back again.

(soon)

I forgot to mention the best story of all

When I was at the strip club there were a couple of women with their boyfriends and husbands. But one stood out.

One woman, with her husbands jacket laid over her lap, and had her legs spread like she was ready for action slumped in her chair.

She was scratching the record.

(Masterbating)

IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAMN STRIP CLUB.

what?!

I had to give her credit for not giving a fuck but I was terrified and no one said anything or cared besides me and my friend.

I will forever remember the lady who masterbated in the middle of the strip club instead of idk getting a private room.

Vegas baby. I tell ya.