The saddest I get when I think about my dad is when I’m out in the world living my life and something will happen to me that is either funny, disturbing, or just noteworthy. When he was here physically I would text him and call him all the time. 

Person was mean to me-text

Something funny happened-call

Take a cute picture of Landon-text

I got a new job-call (and celebratory dinner) 

Blackout drunk- call 

Anything Jerry Seinfeld related-text

Teenage tantrum-text

Adult tantrum – call 

I miss you I wish you were home-call 

In “P.S. I Love You”, I thought it was weird that Hillary Swank calls Gerard Butler after he died to listen to his voicemail. But now I have several of his voicemails saved from the past month or two. 

(I truly miss having somebody to bother all the time ) 

Lots of people say “if you need anything I’m here for you. ANNNNNNYYYYYTHINGGGG AT ALLLLLLLLLL. “ 

 

What I need is someone who I can drunk text at 3AM with my sandwich order and “how was your night?” When I walk through the door. 

And I can’t ask many people to do that. Also I wouldn’t want to replace the sacred rituals I had with my dad. 

In addition, I do not know what to say to you when you say “I’m so sorry.” 

Sorry is an apology. 

Unless you murdered my dad I’m not sure why you’re saying sorry. 

(I would like to point out that a comedian on Netflix made the same joke. But I’ve been making that joke since my mom died when I was 8 so. For the record.  I said it first.) 

The nicest thing about this whole experience was hearing all these fun stories about my dad. I love looking through his old things.

This is a personal ad from Tuesday, December 12th 1989. The circled ad “TONY” is my dad. He saved it all these years later. It’s probably the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen. And I am obviously going to frame this and keep it for an eternity.

This is a shot from a video I took. When I worked at Mercedes I threw an unofficial Christmas party where I got blackout drunk. The next day I didn’t go to work. Because I was so hungover: My dad brought me meatballs and a loaf of bread. Then proceeded to dip the bread in the sauce that came with the meatballs came in.

I miss him all the time.

But I have this gut feeling I will be okay.

Unless we go under an alien attack.

(Outer space Aliens. Not the kind that work hard to give their families a better life.)