After a long blogging hiatus, a fattening relationship, pretending to work & a dead lobster, I am back and ready to attack. Ugh I have so much to catch you guys up on its insane.

If this is your first time reading my garbage, I suggest going back to my old blog
Jacqueline Miranda & The Peter Pan Complex. The reason why I started from scratch is because I am not the same. New me. New blog, Who dis?

The Peter Pan Complex I stopped writing when I was around 23? Now I’m 26. But I dated a 40 year old so that basically makes me 30. (Right?) Also, The Peter Pan Complex I was so young in my brain. Literally, I called it “Peter Pan” with the mentality that I would not be growing up ever. Just continuously be the same drunk hooker for a million years until I find my calling in a sewer drain. (Similar to an ancient clown or ninja turtle)

No, I didn’t “find myself” or “find someone”.

If you are looking for one of the divine intervention, eatpraylove, perfect girl drinking a smoothie blogs, you’re in the wrong place.

If you are looking for a blog where a girl drinks a half a bottle of wine before her sex partner comes over, then sits far away from him the whole time he’s in your house. (Because you Facebook stalked him and saw he has a girlfriend ten minutes before he got there) And you make the decision to do it anyways because you haven’t had sex in forever. (And honestly what’s one more bad decision anyways ??)
— Then, you came to the right place because that happened to me two days ago!

So excited to share with you the dysfunction that is : My life.